28 August 2009

My Testimony

Last Sunday (the 23rd of August), I shared my testimony at the (night) youth service.

I'd only found out (a.k.a. volunteered!) that I'd be sharing my testimony on the Friday night beforehand, so I didn't have much time to prepare. I wrote down some main points, and I added in some Bible verses that have spoken to me over the years--mainly the last couple of years.

The points I'd scribbled down to speak about included:

  • How I got saved, that I grew up in a Christian home, etc
  • Jan 05: I was unsure of who I was in God and with my family--I was insecure
  • 2005: I wanted to get so much closer to God, but felt helpless. I felt like God wasn't interested in me, yet I knew in my heart that He was there. I wrote many songs and poems in my journal during this year
  • Jan 06: I committed my life to service for God. On that day, and at other times through my life, people have said they believe God will really use me
  • I've always wanted to shine for God, and many diary entries over the past 4 years state that
  • Many diary entries also stated how badly I wanted to have daily time with God
  • Jan 08: Youth Camp's theme was Audience of One, and in the few months before then I had felt really far away from God. I was excited for camp, because with Audience of One, each day we spend half an hour by ourselves, like a devotinoal time just praying, etc, and we got journals to write in. For the whole week, I was just crying out to God, asking Him to reveal Himself to me (don't know what I expected, but I really really really prayed hard!). I wrote pages of songs and prayers. And after all of that, I felt / heard nothing. Absolutely nothing. That was so disappointing and tested me a lot. I had questions like "Why doesn't God speak?"
  • 2 weeks ago, Pastor Doug spoke about humility, and that touched me and spoke to me a lot, and he talked about forgiveness as well. I have struggled to forgive in some areas lately, and at the service when Pastor Doug spoke, I just cried cos it really spoke to me, and was convicted that I need to "fix" this problem
  • Jan 08: A friend of mine, Kristy, married Steve. 10 weeks later, Steve died in a tragic boating accident. I struggled (and sometimes still struggle) with this fact, and I just couldn't get my head around how Kristy, an amazing woman of God and someone that I have always looked up to, could go through so much, even though she is so faithful. I asked many, many questions through this time, and also wrote lots of songs about that event, and about the struggle my heart was going through. As I shared this, just after the first sentence, I started crying. I didn't expect to be that emotional, but I guess it all came down on me again. I spent a few minutes bawling my eyes out in front of the congregation ( :S ) and took another couple of minutes to manage to talk again... I did notice that quite a few people there had tears in their eyes, too :'(
  • Often I feel hypocritical at church. I've had people say things like, "I wish I had your faith" or "I wish I was as close to God as you are", etc. This just makes me think, "Are you SERIOUS??! Obviously that person doesn't know me!! If they know what I go through, they'd be saying the opposite!!!..." I realize now, after talking to a few people, that just the desire to serve God can be a light to others, and even that has touched people

There were other things that I shared, but this is at least part of my testimony. I must say, sharing it at church was easier to write on here; I wasn't sure what to put and what not to put! But these were the main points, and I also shared some Bible verses that have spoken to me over the past couple of years.

I hope it hasn't bored you!

God bless,

~Rachel

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