20th Birthday Prayer

Yesterday was my 20th birthday! I can't believe I have left my teens behind! I remember how excited I was to turn 13 - to turn the page into a new chapter of life. It felt very grown up ;-) And now, I'm entering my 20's! Very exciting =D

I will share photos of my birthday, but first I want to share a prayer that I journalled yesterday. To be honest, part of yesterday was a struggle for me. This was my first birthday away from family and close friends, and that was pretty tough. I cried a few tears, but as I began to question the Lord and ask Him for comfort, He just began to speak to my heart. I want to share this with you today.

"I am here because You called me
Not to love less
But to love more
Not to throw away
But to hold on more dear

"Not to discount

But to appreciate more

Not to give up

But to keep, in a different way

Not to lose

But to gain

"And though it feels like my heart may break
Can I hold on to You?
Can You be my family?
Can You be my friends?
Can you have a party for me and with me, in my heart?

"Can you wipe away my tears

When there is no one else to?

Can You be my voice when I [literally] have none?

Can You shine through a smile; a touch?

Can I rest in Your arms all the while? -

as I wait on You?

"In my heart, I know You can

In my heart, I know You will

But my heart longs for home...

"Maybe I'm a little unsure where my home is now
Where it will be
In my heart I feel that my home cannot be a place
Perhaps not even people
Because I will move - I know I will
And times change
People grow
Lives fade

 

"Now I begin to realize why my FIRST love has to be You

Because You remain

You never change - never grow, never diminish -

except perhaps in my own human eyes

You live on in my heart, no matter where I am or who I am with

  

"Please be my Home, beginning today
This day that I exit my teens
Cry for my family and friends and home
Laugh with new friends
And bask in You

"Thank You for this vision

Of why You are my Home."

-dedicated to all the people in these pictures and many more... you are loved!-

~Rachel

My Testimony

Last Sunday (the 23rd of August), I shared my testimony at the (night) youth service.

I'd only found out (a.k.a. volunteered!) that I'd be sharing my testimony on the Friday night beforehand, so I didn't have much time to prepare. I wrote down some main points, and I added in some Bible verses that have spoken to me over the years--mainly the last couple of years.

The points I'd scribbled down to speak about included:

• How I got saved, that I grew up in a Christian home, etc
• Jan 05: I was unsure of who I was in God and with my family--I was insecure
• 2005: I wanted to get so much closer to God, but felt helpless. I felt like God wasn't interested in me, yet I knew in my heart that He was there. I wrote many songs and poems in my journal during this year
• Jan 06: I committed my life to service for God. On that day, and at other times through my life, people have said they believe God will really use me
• I've always wanted to shine for God, and many diary entries over the past 4 years state that
• Many diary entries also stated how badly I wanted to have daily time with God
• Jan 08: Youth Camp's theme was Audience of One, and in the few months before then I had felt really far away from God. I was excited for camp, because with Audience of One, each day we spend half an hour by ourselves, like a devotinoal time just praying, etc, and we got journals to write in. For the whole week, I was just crying out to God, asking Him to reveal Himself to me (don't know what I expected, but I really really really prayed hard!). I wrote pages of songs and prayers. And after all of that, I felt / heard nothing. Absolutely nothing. That was so disappointing and tested me a lot. I had questions like "Why doesn't God speak?"
• 2 weeks ago, Pastor Doug spoke about humility, and that touched me and spoke to me a lot, and he talked about forgiveness as well. I have struggled to forgive in some areas lately, and at the service when Pastor Doug spoke, I just cried cos it really spoke to me, and was convicted that I need to "fix" this problem
• Jan 08: A friend of mine, Kristy, married Steve. 10 weeks later, Steve died in a tragic boating accident. I struggled (and sometimes still struggle) with this fact, and I just couldn't get my head around how Kristy, an amazing woman of God and someone that I have always looked up to, could go through so much, even though she is so faithful. I asked many, many questions through this time, and also wrote lots of songs about that event, and about the struggle my heart was going through. As I shared this, just after the first sentence, I started crying. I didn't expect to be that emotional, but I guess it all came down on me again. I spent a few minutes bawling my eyes out in front of the congregation ( :S ) and took another couple of minutes to manage to talk again... I did notice that quite a few people there had tears in their eyes, too :'(
• Often I feel hypocritical at church. I've had people say things like, "I wish I had your faith" or "I wish I was as close to God as you are", etc. This just makes me think, "Are you SERIOUS??! Obviously that person doesn't know me!! If they know what I go through, they'd be saying the opposite!!!..." I realize now, after talking to a few people, that just the desire to serve God can be a light to others, and even that has touched people

There were other things that I shared, but this is at least part of my testimony. I must say, sharing it at church was easier to write on here; I wasn't sure what to put and what not to put! But these were the main points, and I also shared some Bible verses that have spoken to me over the past couple of years.

I hope it hasn't bored you!

God bless,

~Rachel